Secrecy hurts people who are prone to feel shame more than guilt. We connect by sharing our experiences.ĭo secrets affect their keepers differently? The only way we get around in this world is through our interactions with other people. Simply committing to the idea that you have information that cannot be known by some people leads to harmful effects. What part of secret-keeping, exactly, is doing damage? The average person has 13.” The lonely mind, he advises, has only two releases: confession, or changing the way we think about secrecy. “Just because you have secrets doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. But, “Everyone has secrets,” says Slepian. The more you dwell on your secrets, researcher Michael Slepian discovered in his breakthrough 2017 study, The Experience of Secrecy, the more stress, anxiety and depression you feel. What’s so difficult about secrecy isn’t hiding information from someone in a moment when they might discover it, but it’s actually living with it-going about your day knowing there is something that you shouldn’t say, turning it over in your mind when you’re stuck in traffic or in bed waiting to sleep.
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